It is undeniable that humans are social creatures and that we need to interact with others for our mental health.

According to Aristotle, man is a “social animal.” He belongs to the gregarious species, characterized by the grouping of individuals into more or less structured societies, in which each member depends partially on others to ensure their survival and satisfy their needs.

However, research also shows us the importance of spending time alone, to connect more deeply with ourselves, regenerate our energy levels, and calm the nervous system. Solitude and silence are essential for reconnecting deeply with your essence, your intuition, the eternal part of who you are.

If you know how to balance social interactions and moments alone, you have the best of both worlds, and I congratulate you on finding that balance.

What is the difference between being alone and feeling lonely?

In English, there are two different words to describe this situation:

Loneliness is feeling alone

Aloneness is being alone

Being alone is an observable fact.

It describes the state when one is physically away from the company of others.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is an emotion, it is subjective and describes a feeling of sadness or abandonment.

It is possible to be alone without feeling lonely.

It is also possible to feel lonely and yet be surrounded by people.

Sometimes loneliness is not a choice but a condition imposed by the context (for example, moving to a city where we don’t know anyone) or by the difficulty in establishing relationships with others.

When it is a choice, loneliness is experienced as a safe space, where you don’t have to make an effort, play a role, or manage your own or others’ emotions. Your nervous system can relax.

However, for many people, spending time alone is a challenge because it is not part of their habits. Instead of taking time to reflect, calm their minds, contemplate their surroundings, etc., they tend to distract themselves with superficial activities such as logging onto social media, going out to a party, or going shopping, etc.

The hormone oxytocin

Oxytocin (OTC), also known as the love hormone, is what allows the strong bond between mother and baby and promotes lactation.

Beyond this case, numerous studies have shown that the natural secretion of oxytocin generated by interaction between people promotes a state of relaxation and trust, and greater emotional stability.

Oxytocin increases the search for social contact, thus facilitating the beginning of a relationship. In humans, this effect is achieved through a twofold process: OTC increases self-confidence and, at the same time, the attractiveness and confidence that others inspire.

It promotes recognition of the same gender, memorization of faces, and identification of emotions.

A healthy bond between mother and baby increases oxytocin receptors in the child and thus facilitates the establishment of healthy, lasting, and satisfying human relationships.

Conversely, if the right conditions for bonding have not been in place, the child, and later the adult, will have difficulty forming relationships, trusting themselves and others, etc.

We get a good dose of oxytocin every time we engage in affectionate interaction with someone we love. And that feeling of well-being we get when we feel “connected” to our family and friends.

Be your own best friend

After all, you are the only person you will definitely be with for your entire life, so the question you should really be asking yourself is not how to seek an external connection, but rather, “What would it be like to befriend yourself?”

This question can be scary, as is often the case with any new relationship, because it requires you to be vulnerable and honest. But fostering a meaningful connection with yourself will not only have a positive impact on your feelings of loneliness while you ARE physically alone and isolated, but it will also greatly improve your relationships with your family, friends, partner, and colleagues.

3 habits to appreciate being alone

if it’s not your habit or if you feel insecure or anxious when you’re alone:

Journaling: trusting what’s in your head to paper, addressing yourself as you would a non-judgmental friend, being able to name things and feelings without guilt: anger, rage, fear, etc.

Create a playlist that boosts your mood:

With music you like, because it creates calm and peace or because it reminds you of happy times like your youth and makes you want to dance!

Create a safe and comfortable space in your home:

Ideally, this would be a room just for you, with your belongings, your photos, a place to feel good. A nest.

Or it could just be a comfortable armchair in your living room, with a blanket, a small table to put a candle, incense, your cup of tea or your favorite drink.

Recommended tachyons to help you feel good about yourself:

The Heart Guide in your favorite color

The philosopher’s stone: meditate until you feel complete and at peace.

After all, we all experience loneliness imposed by external circumstances at some point in our lives. Instead of seeing it as a difficult phase, you can turn it into a honeymoon with yourself.